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Facing refusal, especially when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I started pitching manuscripts 50 years back, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and numerous essays. During the recent 20 years, focusing on commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. Regularly, I face a setback frequently—totaling more than 100 each year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career number in the thousands. Today, I might as well have a PhD in handling no’s.

However, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, finally, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

How Have I Accomplished This?

A bit of background: By this stage, almost every person and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t counted my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, a publication rejected 20 articles one after another before saying yes to one. In 2016, over 50 editors declined my manuscript before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

In my 20s, each denial were painful. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. How could this happen? How could these people be ignore my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely it’s the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? You’re stupid and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, frustration at the rejecters, followed by anger at myself. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably mixed with delusion). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I’m no good. What’s more, I can never become successful.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Company

Certainly, I was in good company. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was at first turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was first rejected. Since they did succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his youth squad. Many US presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost campaigns. The actor-writer says that his script for Rocky and attempt to appear were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as a wake-up call to rouse me and get going, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my senior age, I achieved the last step of setback. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an editor may have already featured a like work, or be planning one in the pipeline, or simply be considering a similar topic for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my pitch is uninteresting. Or maybe the reader thinks I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the work I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my piece too quickly to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are forever not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being too similar. Maybe a part about my punctuation, especially commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, despite all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. My writings have featured in newspapers big and little, in diverse platforms. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now written to many places for 50 years.

Yet, no blockbusters, no author events at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no speeches, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no Nobel, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take rejection at 73, because my, small successes have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what lessons have I learned?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What